Trials & Testing

Hello to Everyone whom identifies in times of trials that tests us all in whom we really truly are in the Lord Jesus Christ in whom he is in our life. For this person it's really been more trials and testing than any human being could ever bear or at least it sure does feel like it in this persons own walk in Jesus Christ. Often times enough I wanted to throw in my towel and just give up and to leave it all alone and never go back to it. But you know through sharing with Christians here and there just worked for awhile but it usually only worked for a short while to my own dismay. Let me share some of the things that we had gone through but it still only scratched the surface in this e-mail and believe me when I share with you that alot of it was so much deeper in alot of areas of our life then only to watch it hit rock bottom when all else failed, but only to hang -on is what we had to endure to keep on searching for an answer is so far away but yet right within me to say the least.My husband and I had lost everything in our life, homes, motorcycles, finances, trailer for the scooters,clothes that people had stolen, people breaking in our home during a renovation, different items in our home came up missing, vehicles gone and most of all hardly No food to eat and if we did eat most often times enough it went bad because of them came by the way of food pantries which didn't stay fresh but soured and went bad in No time at all, or wasn't enough to last a whole month. Just like many countless of people whom found themselves in similiar ways as well. We gave our tithe to our church in giving back to him as it ought to be.But as time went on it really got very bad for us. It just didn't seem like nothing was changing for us, No matter what we thought about it at the time but we did pray about all that had taken place. We even thought we could trust friends, aquaintences, and even family members too. We both are disabled grown adults on a fixed income that just don't take us very far at all.Then I had to have surgery, that had taken it' toll on me then hubby got down with his weight loss, always made sure that I ate first and whatever was left he ate then. He lost alot of weight and almost died on me twice. es, we had alot of people praying for us all over the u.s.a. and around our hometown too. this wasn't the half of it all either for what had taken place in both of our lives. There is so much more than I could share with you on losses that we've taken and it felt like people in the world just beat the dickens out of us. Here recently, we lost another home, car broke down and has to get another car and older kids just ignore us or had used us to get there own way to do there own things in life. I mean to tell you the world showed up and ripped us into spiritually, physcially, mentally too.Now were staying with a family member that isn't about God at all they truly have satan written all over themselves and by all means don't talk about your God while your here because we don't wanna hear it not only us but our grandkids too. So we have to live it out in front of them and as we do it on sunday morning they literally leave the home so they don't have to hear God's messages at all. So we listen to the radio stations on the pc and they hear it when they go into the kitchen as they try to hurry out of it too. While all this had taken place we felt our selves getting down futher in our health, hardly No christian person came by except for a young 24 year old man and his mother in whom we known from where we onced lived and we all had gone to different churches to get some food that had been prepard at the church where they had gone to themselves. Now they both stop by to still help us out in fedding us with God's word and keeping us in their prayers.They are the ones whom our God has sent them our way. In the mean time I could only cry in spirits and I've always had trouble in weeping since I was a young adolecent. My parents were abusive and I had been told not to cry or I would get it even worse. It stuck with me till this day. Now I've had trouble with all kinds of grieving now, and crying as well. Here recently I've watched my husband go down hill now with his sickness that he has and it all stems from his years of smoking cigarettes and how it effects him now. It just hurts to have watched him go down like he has now. Lung Cancer isn't a pretty disease at all! they are treating for COPD, Emphysema, chronic bronchits, chronic asthma,we know it can and will cause death eventually in his own life. We as well as other's have always stayed in His Word and praying it through like we do today. I have found my self hanging on unto Jesus Christ every single day of my life. I have a deep personal relationship [John1:12] with Him and I'm never letting Him go either. I've found myself deeply enriched in him as I embraced the Lord Jesus Christ. I know He's the only person that will see me through it all. He's seeing me through all of my brokeness that deep within me even though it's crushed as I truly know it's one of those growing pains as I am going through it all in Him changing me to be more like my Father Jesus Christ.For at the same time he's healing me as I mourn all of those things that has came my way.[ps.50:15]. As I have faced my sadness head on and not keep it hidden because at different times I felt that I didn't measure up not only to one self but God and how things came about for us. I had to somehow find joy but it felt a long ways away and out of reach as well.[Neh.8:7-10]I had to muster in giving him thanks and praises unto the Lord when I just didn't wanna do it. But I did and as time went on I had joy and then it became so much strength in knowing that our God had the ability to bring me through, and the bondage had finally broke through for Him to care and love me as His child. I put my cares and all of my worries upon Him [1Pe.5:7], For when I put my trust in Him he keeps me sturdy as He is my rock to keep me in Him [Is.26:3]. For He's he takes me with him and gives me so much strength so I won't be wearly or faint because of His wings of an eagle that keeps close to him [Is.40:31]. For Jesus won't let me stumble or fall for Jesus watches over me [Ps.121:3]. What a wonderful Father that we have being His own children [Heb.4:15,16]. Just as He has shown me to rise up early and begin my day being in him to set a time for me to pray unto Him so I can finally share this with you and countless of others whom He places before me [[Heb.6:17-20]. For God is alway's in Control and often times enough I ought to move out of His way and allow Him to prepare me, in strength to know His wisdom as I go forth in Him... the problem is I moved out from Him and he brought me back unto Himself. I'm so very thankful for His love, which does truly care for me. After all He knows his creations of which He had made and with His guidence and direction is so awesome and honored by what he does before me thank you Jesus ! [Acts17:29], I'm so glad for whom He is in my life today. I cleared out an idol so he can help me attain him more than less I then become to whom all honor is due unto Jesus Christ than I could try to say to you. I hope and pray he keeps on transforming me more and more so I can continue to share more things with you as he helps me grow in Him because all things are possible with our God. catcmo2006